


An Epiphany

by ItIsMeJessie



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Ohmiya - Freeform, ex with benefits, implied fuck buddies?, why does arashi not have more fanfics now?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-22 23:49:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23535664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItIsMeJessie/pseuds/ItIsMeJessie
Summary: Nino had left Satoshi. After two or so years of a romantic relationship, the younger had decided that they should move on and live separate ways. Then came a time when they continued meeting up even though their relationship was over. Finally, Satoshi had enough. It was hard to maintain a working relationship being idols who broke up. It was even harder when one of them was still in love.
Relationships: Ninomiya Kazunari/Ohno Satoshi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	An Epiphany

**Author's Note:**

> **please do not repost or copy without permission  
> **  
>  **also found on my livejournal account

[ ](https://ibb.co/Scffgqx)

**"I just... I just woke up one day and I knew."**

**"Knew what?"**

**"What I was never sure of with you."**

****-500 Days of Summer** **

\--

Admiration.

Infatuation.

Love.

Hurt.

Comfort.

End point.

Every cycle has a beginning, and it either has an ending or none at all.

Endings never are the happiest. Routines, habits... All those end along with the time spent doing them.

His dark hair was pasted on his forehead as he cleared the last of his music equipment with bubble wrap.

He was exhausted, and frankly he wanted nothing else to do except maybe fall asleep on his newly bought apartment in Yokohama. The high rise buildings in the area gave a little comfort; a buffer for the change that had to happen in Ohno Sastoshi's life.

He hovered over the boxes that were piled up on his left side before sighing. He'd just finished cleaning up the mess that he had made, in his previous apartment which he shared with his band member, and ex-boyfriend, Ninomiya Kazunari.

Once he deemed that everything was done and packed, scanning the now-bare living room, he smiled to himself. He got out and closed the door behind him, walked to the elevator and out of the building proper with the last of his belongings on his arms that he could carry (he'd hired a moving company to haul most of his things to his new one). As a good bye, he took one last glimpse of his old life by looking back, and got on his car.

The days were longer since he didn't have anyone to spend it anymore. But he coped well. He spent his days reading, perfecting dance choreography, and fishing alone on weekends. He did his best to ignore the sadness; forgetting the pain inflicted by the sudden break up.

After dance practices, he lingered in the dance studio, wasting the time away to avoid thinking about their second youngest member. It was a tug-of-war battle with his heart and mind. All the fucking time. He'd almost sense Nino's eyes on him whenever they sang on television programs, but he'd refused to take notice of it. Though it was not easy for him, he'd progressed into someone who was productive amidst all his internal turmoil.

The leader of Arashi, one of the top J-pop groups in Japan, had to admit that he was becoming a man of habit. It took time for him to give up a lot of his daily routines and find other things to occupy his time. But it was good. Change for him was good. A month of radio silence, he was beginning to see positive changes in him. He struggled less in communicating with the group as a whole; became more focused in work (which totally the opposite of not being stressed, but hey, he was now thoughtful of his well-being just by working hard for himself), and was now more social with his friends.

Of course, he didn't have the luxury of deleting Nino's number. After all, they worked together and were in one boy band which he was the leader of. He'd just deleted text messages, photos that they took together, and past call logs. He basically just answered messages if it was about the group. He would ignore Nino's intermittent messages that gradually stopped upon learning that he wouldn't reply to them anymore.

The sun's light had dwindled and city lights had popped along with the stars that dotted the sky when he'd emerged from Johnny's & Associates' building. There were still a lot of passers by around the vicinity, not that he took notice much about them, as he rounded a corner to a nearby bar and restaurant.

Each Friday now was a relaxing day. He got time for himself eating or drinking, often alone but sometimes with the other three members of Arashi. He was thankful that today was one of the days that he looked forward to before the weekend. Sakurai Sho, the rapper of their group, had asked him earlier to join them for a drink after work.

"Oh-chan," Sho had said, "Jun-kun, Aiba-chan and I are gonna drink later. Come with us."

Since he had a few more tasks at hand that Friday, he responded that he'll join them after. He took care of a minor detail for one of their projects for the following week before he called it a day.

The horizon was in hues of purple, yellow, orange and red by the time he got to the bar and restaurant. It was a simple but elegant building named after its owner. It was quite new as its structure was more on the modern and sleek side of Japanese architecture. It had a stylish interior as well, Satoshi noticed as he entered it. In the air was a mixture of smells, from ramen and udon to beer and whiskey. There was a cacophony of voices that blended with the background music which played on the speakers on each side of the walls.

He walked towards the center, scanning for his band mates, merging with the crowd. It took him a couple of minutes, bumping into some people, before he was able to spot them in a corner.

Jun was the first one to notice him approach their table. "Oh, hey!" He waved and pointed to the empty seat next to him. "Over here, Oh-chan."

Matsumoto Jun was the youngest of the bunch. He was still handsome as ever, like he didn't even age a bit.

As he settled down, the conversation flowed freely and easily among themselves. They talked about this and that; anything that didn't really involve Nino. Satoshi was thankful about their tactfulness.

The night deepened and each one of them decided to call it a day. They bade farewell, beer well and thrumming in their bellies with relaxation and calmness. With Sho going in the same direction as he was, they both walked towards their office building, the gentle breeze passing them by.

Their silence was comfortable as any close friends would have. However, it was broken by Sho. "So... how are you, really?"

Sho was the only who Satoshi knew about his previous relationship with Nino. Being both the eldest, he was at ease with Sho knowing about it. He was the one who he confided with; problems and such, all those things that happened in a romantic relationship.

There was no denying with what he felt, Satoshi decided. "Coping. But mostly lonely. And afraid."

Voicing his thoughts out loud was daunting. Every aspect of what he felt right now was a shadow of emptiness; a void that he didn't know how to fill.

They were nearing their building already, their footsteps soft but echoing on the paved streets of Akasaka.

"Afraid?" Sho inquired, lost.

He pondered on how to say it in a way that wouldn't be too much of an information against him. After all, those people who knew of his past thought that he'd already moved on and was in a better place within himself. "Afraid to grow old alone. Afraid to be someone undesired," Satoshi murmured. "We're not getting younger, Sho-kun, and we're already in our late thirties. We've got to settle at some point.

"And I thought that I'd be settling down with him." Satoshi finalized. His chest was heavy, pain constricting his breathing. Still, he schooled his face into something neutral, just to keep his friend from becoming too concerned.

Upon arriving in front of Johnny and Associates' building, Sho gave him a feeble smile. Probably a poor attempt to reassure him. But, nonetheless, a warm gesture that he fully appreciated. "Oh-chan, don't be hard on yourself. Someone is bound to love you and reciprocate your goodness. Sadly, it wasn't Nino," Sho patted him on the shoulder. "But, whoever that person is, he, or she, will love you for who you are."

***

_"Fuck," Nino moaned, his head smacking the headboard as he closed his eyes, letting Satoshi undress him further._

_Satoshi fiddled with the other's belt, mouthing on the clothed tent that had already formed in between Nino's thighs. A sigh left the younger one when he was finally free from the obstruction that were his clothes. Satoshi looked up from where he was and saw the heavy lidded gaze that Nino had on him._

_Satoshi went back to what he was doing and smiled at the sight of Nino's throbbing member, pre-cum glistening its pink head. He's so happy that he could still make Nino squirm underneath him._

_He licked a tentative stripe on the throbbing erection, veins almost popping out in its thickness. This earned him a moan from Nino which made Satoshi even bolder. A few more wet licks, teasing, before he swallowed the entire thickness in his mouth. He hummed, loving the heady taste of Nino's cock._

***

Loving Ninomiya Kazunari was a whirlwind, a storm that blew him away. A southwest monsoon. It was fast, and Satoshi fell so hard.

Of course, it was not love at first sight.

Satoshi had to admit that taking care of Arashi had taken its toll on him, being the leader and all. He didn't hate it, per se, but he didn't fancy it as well. He was in favor of giving the position to Sho, who was more mature, when they were still choosing who'd be the leader of their group. Unfortunately for him, he lost over rock-scissors-paper, and from then on was looked up to.

Nino was sly and cunning as much as he was devoted to his craft. He was too annoying of a brat, but at the same time had that charm that had everyone swooning. He was, at best, handsome and charismatic. Eyes that bore the depths of the ocean and voice that toppled even the birds' lullabies.

Thirteen years in Arashi and soon Nino had made Satoshi fall head-over-heels in love with him. A relationship that lasted only for two and a half years.

A relationship that Ohno Satoshi gave up every ounce of his being for.

A relationship that tore him into nothing but shattered pieces.

"I told you that he's never going to be man enough for you," Satoshi recalled Ikuta Toma telling him once as he drank the last bottle of beer he had from a case sitting on the tiled floor of his kitchen. "He's hiding your relationship even with Arashi!"

Toma was one of his closest friends in the industry, both coming from the same agency. Though Toma's talent steered in acting, they still shared the same passion in doing what they're good at.

Nursing the beer with a trembling hand, he took another gulp and sighed heavily. He thought of what happened earlier that afternoon. Nino had texted him which he refused to even bother reading. But, the other had different plans. Satoshi had already forgotten about the text as he moved about his apartment when the default ringtone of his phone suddenly played.

"Hello," he answered the call, steeling himself; voice void of any emotion.

There was stirring on the other line then a muffled voice. "Can we talk?" There was no nonsense as Nino just directly stated his question.

"O-kay?" Satoshi put emphasis on the vowel, making it sound like, 'Go on, talk,' a hint of sarcasm and nonchalance.

Undeterred, Nino continued. "It's difficult to talk on phone. Let's meet somewhere. Tonight?"

Demanding. Like he was still owning Satoshi's time and decisions. It pissed the older one off. "Why bother? What should we even need to talk about at this point?" His tone was harsher than intended and even made him wince internally. But he wasn't sorry.

There was a pregnant silence. Satoshi could even hear the other's soft breaths on the other line.

Deciding that he'd had enough, he said, "If there's no important reason for this call... If it's not about Arashi or work, let's cut this bullshit. Bye." He didn't wait for any reply and just dropped the call immediately.

Time ticked and then his phone rang again. Satoshi groaned in frustration. He was having an internal battle with himself whether to answer or not. Nino's name blinked and blinked on the screen. It continued to ring then the call ended. When he thought that the other had conceded, the damn thing rang again!

And just because he was stupid enough, Satoshi answered the call. He decided to just get it over with. He kept quiet during the entire call and for the next two minutes, he let Nino talk.

"Do you know how much I miss your voice?" Nino confessed, sounding oh so sincere. "It's so hard not to just reach out whenever you're with them!"

Satoshi hummed as a response, not bothering to speak knowing that he'd just throw himself away again.

Nino continued, "It's hard. It's so hard missing you. If- if you'd just let me see you tonight, then after this we can forget it."

The profession caught Satoshi off guard. But when Nino withdrew, saying that they could just forget their meeting, once it happened, threw him off.

_Forget it? I've been trying my hardest! Damn you fucking asshole!_ Satoshi cursed in silence. How could Nino do this to him? After all the pain that he inflicted, he'd be the one to guilt trip him because he was saving himself from further damage? Fuck!

But because Satoshi was that stupid and still in love, reluctantly, he relented.

***

_The press of Satoshi's well-lubed finger inside Nino's hole, probing inside, searching for that soft spot that he knew would make the younger man keening, became two. He pushed it inside, knuckle deep, and a broken cry of pleasure poured out of Nino's mouth. He stared at the younger man, lips parted in arousal._

_"You're so beautiful, Nino-chan," Satoshi murmured, unrelenting with his movements._

_**I love you. I love you, baby. I love you so much.** Words spilling in silence; in thoughts, afraid of voicing them out; afraid of another harsh rejection. A mantra of unrequited love. His heart was aching, but if this was the only way he'd get to have Nino again, he'd let the other hurt him... again and again._

_It didn't matter to Satoshi how many times he'd seen Nino naked, or how many times they'd been this intimate even after their break up. It still affected him just the same, making his pulse quicken, making his breath hitch in each touch they share._

_He licked his lips, dry and parched from lust thirst just like his throat, eyes fixed entirely on the person who broke up with him months ago._

***

"Why do you want to suffer?"

"Why are you letting him do this to you?"

"How is this helping you in recovering if you're still letting him hurt you?"

"Who's that with him?"

"Is that his new girl friend?"

"Are they together?"

"Why are you still fucking him?"

"Are you not jealous?"

"Does she know that he's still... you know... that you're still fucking?"

A lot of questions. So many answers. So many lies. So much deceit. Every time Satoshi looked at him with her, he was still hurting. It hurt so much, but he let Nino. He'd never confronted the younger man. Satoshi believed in the saying that if you truly loved someone, you've got to set them free. He wanted Nino happy, even if the smiles that were only yours were now projected to someone else.

It would have been easier for Satoshi to move on if he were angry, filled with resentment, but all he had was love and longing.

His friends had no ill intent, he knew that. They all wanted him to be happy, and he appreciated those thoughts, but then again, they never could understand why. Why he still loved him despite everything.

The 24/hour convenience store's LED light which bore its name blinked intermittently. He stood outside, staring at the place with disgust while fiddling a bit with his black PITTA mask. The place was old, but it was the closest to both of them. Nino didn't even think of a better place to meet up, as usual. As long as it was convenient for him, Nino never thought twice if it was uncomfortable for Satoshi.

It was dangerous for Satoshi to let his feelings empower his rationality. He knew that once he did, he'd fall in the pits of hell again. That's why, as the cool air from the air conditioning hit his body when he entered the store, he made sure that he'd be thinking straight; that he'd put his mind before everything else when he talked with Nino.

The music playing in the background was a random anime pop song that he immediately recognized. It had a catchy beat and probably he'd be able to memorize the lyrics right then and there if only he wasn't busy looking for Nino until he spotted him perusing some manga in the last aisle. The younger was listening to music with his earphones that Satoshi had to tap him gently on the shoulder to announce his presence.

The silence between them was unsettling for Satoshi. He didn't even know why Nino bothered to talk to him outside work after all this time. It's not like he still needed closure. All those lies that he said; all the broken promises were like a broken record that needed to be thrown away.

They occupied the vacant table near the magazine section, far from prying eyes - and ears - of people. Once they were settled, Satoshi's insides were far from it. He knew that meeting Nino without anyone else was a bad idea. He could just leave here, let Nino know that everything's over and done, after all it was he who ended things. However, he'd listen to what the other would say and get it all over with.

"So what's up?" Satoshi inquired, nonchalant. "Let's not take this too long as I still need to do some important stuff."

He could see Nino's eyes search for his, trying to reach into his soul - probably trying to hypnotize him using his charms - before he spoke quietly. "I'm really sorry for letting you go. I just..." he paused as he searched for a proper word to roll off his tongue. "We weren't working anymore."

Satoshi kept silent. He was eyeing the other warily. Nino wasn't the prey here; he was the predator trying his best to lure him into further lies. The elder was wiser now. He had months of practice, knowing what were lies and what were half-truths from Nino after their break up. After he let himself be played _and betrayed_.

The prolonged silence made Nino uneasy, he could see it in the other's eyes. Satoshi could care less. Still, Nino continued, "I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I had, bab-,"

With hand in the air, Satoshi stopped the other from speaking further. "You don't have the right to call me that any longer. Just tell me what you want from this. Let's- let's just stop pretending. I tried to keep you. You know I did.

"I thought we were fixing the damned relationship! Fuck! Nino, all those days with you, making _love_ with you," he made the emphasis on the word with gritted teeth like it tasted so bitter in his mouth, hands trembling on top of the table where he had just slammed his palms on, "you were meeting someone else in between! Like I never even mattered. Like my feelings were made of something disposable!

"I loved you so much! You never considered how I felt. I hurt, but you never saw it because whenever you allowed me to see you, I was so fucking happy! But that was my fault," Satoshi sighed as he looked into Nino's eyes with sincerity, drops of tears falling freely, "I believed you. I waited for you to be ready, but you were. You were ready... to leave me and be with her."

Nino shook his head, trying to find a way for Satoshi not to leave him there. Satoshi took every ounce of little courage he had and stood up. "Please, I just want you to know how sorry I am, Toshi."

Satoshi didn't know how to believe the other anymore. With a final and fleeting look, he said softly, "I love you. I still do. But this is goodbye."

***

_He was buzzing with arousal and excitement as he worked his way in with short thrusts until he was fully seated and can lean in to catch Nino's lips for a long, wet kiss. "You feel so good," Satoshi breathed, tone low and gravelly as he rolled his hips tentatively._

_Nino moaned, closing his eyes, as Satoshi immediately found the bundle of nerves that would turn him into a muddled mess. Satoshi smiled at the sight of his... lover? What was he to Nino right now? Maybe he'd ask later, he thought as he abandoned all negative thoughts and let himself enjoy this moment. He snapped his hips hard, fucking the younger with intensity. He knew that Nino loved it a bit rough._

_Want and need rushed through his system. He slapped one of Nino's thighs before wrapping his hand on the other's cock, thumbing the pre-cum that oozed from the slit to spread around the head. Nino trembled, hands flying to Satoshi's ass to grip them like his life depended on it. Not so subtly telling the other to move faster._

_Time seemed to flow fast and slow, both at the same time as they rocked together in erratic momentum._

_"Toshi, **please** ," Nino gasped out loud, "I'm- I'm close."_

_Satoshi gritted his teeth, trying to suppress the guttural sounds coming from him. Everything was consuming like fire. He found just the right angle to thrust properly, and after a while, he felt himself climaxing as Nino's walls clenched around his cock. "I'm cumming. Cum with me." Pleasure hit both of them like tidal waves, making them succumb into putty in each other's arms._

_Moments later, with only the sound of the clock ticking somewhere in Satoshi's living room, the elder wrapped his arms around the younger. "Nino?" The younger just hummed to know that he was listening. "I miss you. Are you still mine?"_

_There was a beat of silence. Then came a reply, "Where am I right now? I'm with you, right?"_

_The question was left unanswered._

**END**

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, it's been so long since I've written for Arashi! OMG. I really hope this would suffice your love for them.  
> Second, I am happy for Nino and his marriage, don't get me wrong. I love OhMiya, and they're my fave shipping, but Nino's happiness is beautiful, too!
> 
> Comments are very welcome. Just please, don't hurt me? *hides*
> 
> xoxo


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